I want to tell you guys about a little TIFF that I got into yesterday, With a good friend of mine, we always make plans to hang out and somehow she always bails at the last minute. We’d make plans for the following month. Well, last night, I lost my temper. I let myself get angry. I had relinquished my power over to my friend and allowed her to somehow get under my skin. And I was upset.
I know myself when I get upset, I shut down and I came home thinking I’m upset, I need to stuff my belly and take a nap. I tend to be an emotional eater at times, and so this is not an option for me because I am seven days into my 21 day fast. So I poured all the green smoothie all the green juice I think will satisfy me to drink and I sat down and I started sipping my green smoothie. And then a miracle happens. It turns out I didn’t want any of the juice. So I put the glass down.
Instead, I asked myself, What am I feeling? As I posed this question. I was really angry and really frustrated and fed up more so then it dawned on me, I am not angry, I am bruised, I am hurt. I am hurt because my friend does not value my time. If anyone knows me, any family member, any close friends of mine will know that my love language is quality time. So a few hours later my friend tries to reach out to me to see if I was still upset. When I’m hurt, I would draw within to lick my wounds, for lack of better words, to clean it, put ointment on it, bandage it so that I can heal.
I turn in, like the crab that I am to heal to show some care towards myself. I’ll have this conversation with myself. You went out to play and you got hurt. You got bruised, that’s okay, now it’s time to clean it up. So you can heal before you go back out to play. So I did, I allowed myself to go through the pain, let the hurt like pass through me. Acknowledge that it sucks and found the intrinsic motivation to actually regain my power.
You see a lot of time we get busy shoving our pain aside, trying to bury them deep down without fully processing forgetting to expel the bad energy that has been built up, it needs to leave it needs to go somewhere.
So now I want to talk about how do we maintain a positive mental attitude when people are like ticking bombs, people’s behaviors can cause us to get angry can cause us to be upset.
The first component is self-awareness. The second component is self-regulation. The third component is motivation. The fourth component is empathy. And then the last one is social skills. So I want to go and briefly break them down for you so you get a better understanding. This is dear to my heart, like what I’m talking to you about today was the focus of my dissertation when I was getting my PhD. So I love this topic, and I will break it down for you. So let’s look at self-awareness.
This is the ability to recognize and understand your mood, motivations, and abilities. So being able to understand the effect that they have on others. To achieve a state of complete self-awareness. You must be able to monitor your emotional state and identify your emotions. You will know when you are emotionally mature. If you’re confident, you have the ability to laugh at yourself and your mistakes and are aware of how you are perceived by others. So quick example is by reading the reaction of someone else, you can know how you are perceived by them .
This is the ability to control your impulses, the ability to think before you speak, act, and the ability to express yourself appropriately. So here emotional maturity is being able to take responsibility for your actions, being able to adapt to change and the ability to respond appropriately to other people’s irrational emotions. And sometimes that can be hard, but that is self-regulation. An example is someone screaming at you, you know that they are not always angry, but yet at this very moment, they’re angry at something at a situation but somehow they feel the need to take it out on someone and you happen to be there. So, you become that punching bag, but anything near proximity, then you get sprayed. So, self-regulation is understanding this fact and not taking this personal or we react angrily back to this person.
This is having an interest in learning and self-development. It is the reason you are reading this blog right now. It is having the strength to keep going when there are obstacles in your life. It is setting goals and following through. One example is internal motivation. Well internal and/or intrinsic motivation. Driven goals are things such as earning a college degree becoming a healthier person, like having a morning routine, like that’s an internal drive. That’s an intrinsic desire that no one can take from you. Things that show self-improvement to get the inspiration that you need to learn from the entrepreneurs that come on board is to learn from successful people, right? Because success leaves clues and I’m going to keep saying that until we get it.
Someone who is intrinsically motivated looks within for enthusiasm to push through with a goal. They are self-motivated, they are tenacious, they are driven. They don’t look for approval from the outside world at all. They move on their own accord; they move to the beat of their own drums type of thing. When these individuals get upset or hit a hardship, they turn within to heal, find the inspiration to keep moving forward. They don’t run to friends to complain because they are not extrinsically motivated. They don’t need that outside force to boost their confidence or boost their ego they do it within which brings me to exterior or extrinsic motivation.
These goals are things that flaunt wealth or status. This is setting goals such as having the next newest and nicest car. The next pair of Jordans, that name brand piece of clothing, beautifying the external and neglecting to do the same for the internal. These individuals are extrinsically motivated. They are the people who will act to blame others for their failures as well. Extrinsic motivation has limits to what it can do for you internally and must not in any way exceed the intrinsic motivation, the moment it does, the person will be driven by material value over what is best for them physically, mentally and emotionally.
Empathy is the ability to understand other people’s emotions and reactions. Empathy can only be achieved if self-awareness is achieved. So, I believe that one must be able to understand themselves before they can understand others. Right now let’s look at the last one. So the last one is social skills. This is the ability to pick up on jokes sarcasm, customer Service, maintaining friendships and relationships, and finding common ground with others. A great example is a boss, someone who is in a boss position usually has a good grasp on handling all different types of personalities. So if two of their employees are having a conflict, they can find common ground and resolve the issue in a civilized and fair manner. So that’s number one. Right? That was the first one I mentioned to you. The first one here is being able to adjust yourself to other people’s state of mind having high emotional intelligence. Now number two is to always avoid incidents of controversies when possible, to not allow yourself to be drawn into arguments over unimportant matters. To get good at this you must begin a self-development self-improvement regimen that will make you more open-minded, patient, and generous in your relations with others.
This is the ability to pick up on jokes sarcasm, customer Service, maintaining friendships and relationships, and finding common ground with others. A great example is a boss, someone who is a boss position usually has a good grasp on handling all different types of personalities. So if two of their employees are having a conflict, they can find common ground and resolve the issue in a civilized and fair manner.
So that’s number one. Right? That was the first one I mentioned to you. The first one here is being able to adjust yourself to other people’s state of mind having high emotional intelligence.
Now number two is to always avoid incidents of controversies when possible, to not allow yourself to be drawn into arguments over unimportant matters. To get good at this you have to begin a self-development, self-improvement regimen that will make you more open-minded, patient, and generous in your relations with others.
Number three to having a positive mental attitude is to learn the art of selling yourself to other people indirectly. What I mean by this is when interacting with others begins to ask leading questions which will bring out to the sort of reactions which you are looking for. So, knowing who you’re talking to, in what tone of voice you need to have, and choosing precise, concise words to steer the person into the desired outcome for you. And that takes practice, that takes respect, that takes intensively listening to others, that takes having a genuine interest in other people because this is not manipulation in any way.
Number four starts each day with an expression of gratitude for all the adversities, defeat, and failures you have experienced in the past, begin to look for benefits that these have given you over time. So, remember that your strength grows out of struggle. If you begin to do what I’m telling you, you will soon realize that there is no such thing as an unprofitable experience. I would strongly suggest that you start to express gratitude, twice daily for having recognized the fact that you have complete control over your own mind, not just your mind, but your emotions, how you feel, how you process your thoughts, how you process your emotions.
So, number five, learn to transmute all unpleasant circumstances into immediate action, which can help you get back to having a positive mental attitude. For example, when you’re angry, switch your mind to some sort of action in connection to your hobby, your purpose in life. Playing with your kids, doing something that you enjoy, going to the beach, going for a walk, anything that can keep you busy for at least five minutes. That way you’ll take your mind off the thing that is upsetting you or the person that is upsetting you because then that feeling won’t grow. Because if you’re thinking about that situation, it just multiplies. It grows so fast that it gets out of control and then you start saying things you don’t mean you start shouting. So, I suggest finding something else that you can do for at least five minutes to actually take your mind off the situation.
Number six, making it a thing every day to comment enthusiastically on the good qualities of those you live with and you work with. Do not talk about the negative qualities just focus on the good, like give them a compliment a day, make it to genuine, tell somebody like you look really nice today. I love what you did with your hair. It takes a lot of courage to do what you did, it takes a lot of strength to say what you said. Say thank you to people on a regular basis for their efforts, then sit back and watch how quickly others will begin to concentrate on your good qualities. That’s where the magic is.
Number seven, accept all constructive feedback, either from yourself because we do talk to ourselves or from others as an opportunity for self-examination because this will help you discover more about yourself. It will help you grow because, if you realize you have a shortcoming, then you can work on strengthening that. So listen intently to the criticism that you’re getting from others. We’re not talking about haters. We’re not talking about somebody bashing you down. We’re not talking about somebody who just doesn’t like you, we’re talking about people who care about you and want you to succeed, and they’ll tell you, hey, you could work on this, this could have been better. And then you take that to heart and you start making the improvement.
Number eight, cultivate your tone of voice so that your words have a pleasing musical sound to it. I’m exaggerating here, but my point is to pay attention to how you sound and come off to others. Keep it amicable, keep it soft, keep it calm, and not aloof, indifferent, or sounding annoyed. So remember what you do to others you do to yourself, so if you’re constantly annoyed with others, they too will be constantly annoyed with you.
So moving right along here number nine, do not accept from life or anyone else anything you do not desire. Don’t allow anyone to mistreat you. You are nobody’s punching bag. No Are you anybody’s doormat. You got to stand up for yourself. You have to let people know I don’t like to be treated like this. I don’t like you not valuing my time. I don’t like you always canceling on me as if I’m not important. Then that shift starts to take place. When you realize how valuable you are.
Number 10, keep your mind eternally engage in thinking of that which you want and desire, your purpose in life so that you leave no time to waste on thinking about things that you don’t want, don’t need and don’t serve you. Because if you recall, whatever you think about will grow, wherever focus goes, it grows.
And last but not least, guys, I want to tell you this, this is crucial and important I advise you to, again, write this sentence out and place it in places where you will see it, put it out at work, put it on your mirror, put it on the doorknob before you leave the house.
“Whatever the mind can conceive and believe the mind can achieve” — Napoleon Hill
See yourself as having a positive mental attitude. And you will start to manifest that. Congratulations, you got some nuggets here today. I would love to hear from you go ahead and leave us a review, subscribe to the podcast. Tell your friends about this great podcast because I love sharing content. And I want to touch as many lives as possible. So please tell people about this podcast and where to get it.
Until next time, guys, I will see you at the top of your best morning routine ever.
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